
You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger
2010

They found themselves. Together. In Baltimore.
A newly sober man's Christmas Eve dental emergency leads to an unexpected romance with his older dentist as they explore Baltimore together.

A newly sober man's Christmas Eve dental emergency leads to an unexpected romance with his older dentist as they explore Baltimore together.
Michael StrassnerCliff
Liz LarsenDidi
Olivia LuccardiBrittany
Rob PhoenixMarvin
Jessie CohenShelby
Mary Catherine GarrisonPatty
Morgan DixonTonya
Mike PsenickAdam
Michael ChandlerBert











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It’s frustrating to watch a film that many viewers are raving about and that has definite potential for artistic success but that nevertheless falls flat, mainly because it can’t get out of its own way. Such is the case with this latest offering from writer-director Jay Duplass of the Duplass Brothers producing duo. The problem here is that the picture has many of the elements needed to make the production work, but it has noticeable trouble deciding what it wants to do with them. In essence, it’s a quirky, occasionally dark romantic comedy about a former improv/sketch comedy artist, Cliff (Michael Strassner), a recovering alcoholic who’s also trying to bounce back from a failed suicide attempt by adopting a more conventional lifestyle with his well-meaning but micromanaging fiancée, Brittany (Olivia Luccardi). But that reform effort undergoes a massive shake-up one fateful Christmas Eve, when Cliff cracks a tooth and desperately goes in search of an available dentist. Fortunately, Cliff’s oral health hero miraculously materializes in the person of Didi (Liz Larsen), an older, attractive divorcee who attends to his dental needs but then ends up unwittingly becoming involved with her patient in a series of misadventures around Baltimore, all of which subsequently lead to the surfacing of unexpected (and not especially convincing) romantic overtones. The picture thus becomes an offbeat hybrid tale that combines elements from a host of genres, including romcoms, buddy movies and screwball comedies, many of them characterized by off-the-wall characters, improbable situations and colorful locales. But, as noted above, that’s precisely the problem here – the film is unable to pick and commit to a coherent, recognizable formula. Much of the first half, for example, plays like an overly silly Adam Sandler or Ben Stiller comedy, while the back end is reminiscent of some of Woody Allen’s relationship-oriented outings. And, through it all, the narrative is consistently and clumsily episodic, meanderingly moving from one segment (or bit) to another, trying (frequently too hard) to find a sustainable, workable groove. It’s an ever-elusive goal that, unfortunately, grows progressively tiresome. It’s as if the picture hopes to slip by on its treasure trove of unconventional elements and eccentricities, with dashes of serious material thrown in to try and give it a more mature, sophisticated vibe. Consequently, it mostly just keeps ambling along, prompting viewers to wonder when, if ever, it’s finally going to reach some kind of destination, particularly since there are a number of perfectly suitable end points along the way that fail to result in any kind of resolution. And, because of that, “The Baltimorons” winds up playing like a protracted exercise in foreplay (albeit fully clothed and largely social in nature) without (ahem) a satisfying climax. I’m at a loss to understand the hype surrounding this effort, especially the accolades it has received from the likes of the National Board of Review and the Independent Spirit Awards. So, if you’re looking for a movie that combines comedy, romance and relationship elements, check out the recently released offering “Is This Thing On?” instead, an offering that much more effectively reaches its potential in all of these areas. Indeed, potential is a highly coveted, promise-filled commodity in filmmaking – but not when it’s squandered.

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