Negative, I am a meat Popsicle. It's 2259 and the Earth is in mortal danger from pure evil. The only hope Earth has is something called the fifth element, which comes in the form of the newly cloned Leeloo. Along with an ex forces cab driver and a priest called Cornellius, Leeloo must piece it together before the end of mankind arrives. Depending on which side of the fence you sit on, The Fifth Element is either a child fantasy made by an adult, or an adult fantasy made by a child! Here in lies the problem that many critics and movie watchers can't agree on. Just what does Luc Besson's film want to be? Having conceived the concept for his film at a very early age, Besson I think waited until he was comfortable with his adult eyes, and armed with the technological advancements in the late 90s, to realise his vision. With the result being a beautiful piece of science fiction that is, yes- cartoonish in every other frame. Crucial though is that Besson's futuristic vision of New York dominates proceedings, not even a villain overdrive from Gary Oldman can detract from the colourful vistas that Besson has crafted. The sea has dropped and New York is awash with flying cars, there are no take aways anymore, the Chinese junks fly to your front door to serve you food, how cool is that? Shape shifting aliens are amongst us, who in the context of this Jean-Paul Gautier clothed universe, blend in effortlessly, and opera divas are strangely beautiful and blue creatures. In short, the film is an art direction treat, a feast for the eyes, even as the comedy and action take control in the final third. Bruce Willis quickly leaves behind his successful trip to harder edged roles (Twelve Monkeys) to play super cabbie Korben Dallas. Gun toting and with a quip at every turn, this is the Willis that the MTV generation loves and adores. Oldman, for better or worse as Zorg, gives a memorable performance (oh my, is that a Southern American accent?), but it's with Mila Jovovich (Leeloo) that the film gets its acting spurs. A pure revelation, it begs the question on why Jovovich has failed to progress in the acting world? (stop doing tripe like Resident "will work for food" Evil films would be a good start). Sci-fi fans will obviously get the point that the support cast features Ian Holm (Alien) and Brion James (Blade Runner), which off sets the annoying and painful turn from Chris Tucker as zany, insecure DJ Ruby Rhod (is Besson having a pop at world DJs here I wonder?). To leave us with what? A film that mildly suffers from its director giving way to his heart over his head, but hey baby, it's one groovy and enjoyable romp from start to finish regardless. 8/10

"The Fifth Element" is like a journey down memory lane for me, brimming with nostalgia. I've lost count of how many times I've caught it on TV. The cast was on point, the makeup and costumes were seriously cool, and those futuristic locations were quite intriguing. In the grand scheme of things, "The Fifth Element" is a certified classic. It possesses that timeless quality that's hard to find. I'd easily give it a solid 9 out of 10. But if you're a fan of this movie, you should definitely check out the animated film "Heavy Metal" (1981), which served as inspiration for many animation and science fiction films, including this one.

I wonder how many taxi drivers get a fare they wish they's just driven past! Well I think poor "Dallas" (Bruce Willis) might have wished he had done that with the almost mannequin-esque "Leeloo" (Milla Jovovich) as he finds himself embroiled in a plot to conquer the planet. She speaks in syllables that wouldn't have been out of place in an edition of "The Clangers" but still manages to convey the sense of peril to mankind well enough for him to try to track down the priest "Cornelius" (Ian Holm) who might be able to locate some sacred stones that belong to the benign "Fifth Element" in time to save us from "Mangalores" and his evil henchman "Mr. Zorg" (Gary Oldman). of course, we soon learn that "Dallas" is no ordinary, pie-eating, cabbie. He is a former special forces ninja who is no stranger to an Uzi 9mm or to some nimble fisticuffs. Luc Besson manages to integrate some engaging comedy threat into a decent sci-fi adventure that raises a smile. Willis offers his usual style of charismatic, slightly sarcastic, delivery and Oldman (well, more his hairdo, really) camps up nicely as the baddie in charge of an army of alien soldiers who couldn't hit a cow on the tit with a tin cup. There's loads of action pretty much from the start as somehow we just know that Bruce is going to come through for us. It's a parody fo loads of other sci-fi concepts, but it does work.